I think I’ve realized why blogging has been challenging for me lately. It’s because I usually write to process my thoughts and feelings or what is going on in my life. In a way- I think God uses the act of writing for me as a way that He speaks to my heart. But in recent months, the things on the forefront of my mind haven’t been blog-shareable… which has left me in a conundrum. I don’t possess the creative capacity to “skip over” what’s really stirring inside me and still write… so I’ve been rather write-less (speechless). Some things are still too personal to try and process in this space, but… I do feel some freedom to get one big thing out there… and it’s a time line. I know… whoop-di-doo… what’s the big deal??
Our baby girl is due in June. A few months back we made the decision not to renew our lease for our duplex- which means we have to move out on July 25th. When baby girl is 8-10 weeks old (likely end of August/early September) we will be heading to South Africa as a family, for an unknown period of time. My husband will be finishing his dissertation research and he has applied for several grants to fund this adventure- but we won’t know the outcome of any of the grants until it is almost time for us to go… in fact, from May to September is when we should find out the results. But this whole thing is bigger than “just the facts” too. Dave and I have always had a deep sense of knowing that at some point in our lives we would end up in South Africa and working with our friends who founded and direct an incredible faith-based non-profit there called Thrive Africa. And as this “trip” approaches, we are stirred in our hearts to let go of “planning” and to let go of our ideas of “arrival and departure” and just go… take it one step at a time and wait for God’s plan to unfold.
Historically, I would love this sense of uncertain trust. Knowing that I don’t have to worry, but also knowing that God is doing something in our lives. Now that I’m a parent- I find this much more challenging. I see it as my responsibility to know how all of the details will work in taking two small children to another country. I feel an obligation to know that there is financial “security”. I feel like I need to ensure that my children will have all of the same “opportunities” that they would here (play dates, library time, toddler tumble time, mommy and me classes….). I question how going international is going to rock my parenting. I question how going international is going to shape my children. Even if it is for a few months.
And then, there is that voice the beckons from deep in my heart and soul… do not worry about what you will eat or drink, or what you will wear… do not worry about tomorrow… I know the plans I have for you and they are plans to prosper you and not to harm you… I’m being stretched as a parent to not only live this for myself- but to apply it to how I view myself as my children’s provider. It’s tough… it takes work… and I’m totally in-process.
So this might open up a bunch of questions for some of my readers (particularly family). And I should clarify- that no… we don’t have any secret intentions of moving to South Africa for good. But like always and in every season of our lives… we’re telling God that we want to follow His plan… and right now, all that we know for sure is that we’ll be heading to the Southern hemisphere sometime in August or September. And, while my thoughts sometimes race about all that taking a family of four to another country entails… I have to say that I’m at peace… which speaks volumes to me.
Amy,
That is amazing and so good that you are at peace. I can imagine the questions – I’ve thought them all – only you are further along in the commitment of going. Thank you for including me in this journey and please, if you feel comfortable too, continue including me in this. You know I think you are so brave, even if you think you are crazy. I’m excited to see how this all unfolds for you…and honestly a bit jealous that you are going inspite of fears and questions.
Hmmm – this is so good Amy.
I get you when you say that you use writing to process and that somethings you just can’t share because they are still being solidified.
Good for you to be able to put these thoughts out there in such a clear way.
I am so very excited for you and Dave and Silas and baby girl and Thrive. It is just going to be so awesome!
Praying for you.
Oh Amy…I know your writer’s block!
All the things you listed for your children to do are wonderful. Really! (know that my words are said in love) are any of those things important in shaping their walk with Jesus? Children in Africa learn how to read, play, dance, run, etc… it won’t look like crazy America with all the STUFF that we think we need. It really won’t. It will be absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!! Beautiful I tell you! Why…because it is what you are CALLED to do.
Question…can I come too?!? The adventure is so appealing to me. However I do understand the mother in you that wants to know that her children will be taken care of. HE loves them more than you do…he will not let them go hungry.
love, hugs and prayers!
Jane
you are not crazy. and i love you deeply.
RYC…the bad part for me is that most of the memories are tied to boys and bad choices. Not always fun to remember.
praying for you!
This is going to be an amazing opportunity for you guys! Just remember you do have some experience under your belt so you know what to expect and really I think you’ll find that you’ll just fall into it with the whole parenting in another country. The only thing I’ve realized about Africa and America is that America is a bit more kid friendly, but every baby has so much gear! I am so thankful that Andrew doesn’t have all that “stuff”. He’s got just what he needs and it’s just the right amount. Thrive will be a great place for Silas to run and play too! Who knows, maybe our paths will cross…..I would love to meet you one day. Bless you as you prepare for this adventure!!!
Wow. Leaving your family. Wow.
Hi Amy. Can definitely relate to the questions and fears about lost opportunities for our children when we take them from their home culture and relatives. I really struggled with the inequities in “life” right before Christian was born as I was constantly comparing Cohen’s amazingly BLESSED firt year in the US and the idea of Christian entering into well…significantly less in terms of material and social/family blessings in Africa. It is amazing to think, though, that in His sovereignty, just as God is leading you and your husband to Africa for a time to fulfill His purposes, that He has planned for your two children to be there during that time as well. They are NOT just “tag-alongs” who happened to be born into your family and who for better or worse are stuck trotting the globe with you guys. It is absolutely for their better! From the perspective of an mk myself, I can tell you: your children are blessed! to participate in this journey God is leading you on. And from the perspective of a mother raising two little boys in Africa I can tell you: there is no possible way to even IMAGINE all the “experiences” your children are going to have! S.